My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
