I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
