Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
