He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
