so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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