I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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