Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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