Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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