I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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