sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
