Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She bit a glass in half.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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