i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
