What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
