she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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