my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
