Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
