i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
