His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
