you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
lol hangovers are for mortals.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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