I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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