Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
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