This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
