as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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