Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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