I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
are you so shy because you have an std?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
