I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Alive.
So much puke
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
