Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
