We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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