90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
