i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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