I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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