You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
