think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
