I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i will never coherently bang her
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
