we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
