Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
