Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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