I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
