So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
