I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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