dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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