He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
