your parents love me but you hate me
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
