Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
