I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
