Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
