It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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