who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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