Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
