Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
