i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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